Worth the Wait?

I have been neglect in writing posts this year – for that I offer my apologies. Needless to say, I haven’t had much time to myself, and the time I’ve carved out of the ice and snow hasn’t created worthy written material. I don’t know whether this is a writer’s block or if my brain has frozen.

Tonight, I sent the boys out to dinner and stayed home. No intention of adding a post, just didn’t feel like going. Up at 5am this morning hearing my son cough. Got him back to bed (we both needed a few more hours sleep). Then after a long day of cleaning, laundry, childcare, etc., I wonder where the week ends and begins again. I’ve been watching the PBS Masterpiece Theater four-part series Downton Abbey, and one of the comments from the dowager duchess character played by Maggie Smith aptly describes my situation: “'Week-end'? What is a 'week-end'?” You see, at-home mothers with no fortune or title share an ongoing schedule with those of the privileged classes – except that we tend to work at similar tasks as the house and kitchen staff. Thank goodness for dishwashers and washing machines, though.

A great deal has been weighing on my mind lately which seems to pull the rest of me under with it. The majority concerns the health of those I hold most dear. The remainder is a smattering of ‘what-ifs’ and ‘what-to-dos’ and ‘wherefore-art-thous’ (only when I ponder Shakespeare).

I find myself at the confluence of rushing rivers and I’m caught in the bubbling, churning flow, only tortured with the thought that I can control the direction I go. Or stay afloat. Of course I don't. I’m only a passenger marking time with each breath.

What I’ve seen so far on this trip has been amazing and disturbing, incredible, annoying, surrounded by enchantment, and filled at times with heaping handfuls of frustration. My cup runneth over.

If I had one message to convey through this post, it would be: connect. I believe part of our journey is intended to make connection with fellow travelers. We cannot go this alone. Bridge the gap. Couple the links. Repair, rework, reinforce. Find common ground. Connection is critical to our survival. Without it, we tumble into the abyss. Certainly not a place I want to be.