Space Travel

The stuffed giraffe and soft yellow ducky were warm when I pulled them out of Ben’s backpack. It was no surprise since they were sitting inside a hot car in the unrelenting heat of summer sun. But I held them close for a few seconds, transferring their heat to the crook of my arm, running my fingers over their worn, kissed, and matted fur. We’ve come a long way together.

Wasn’t he a baby only months ago, cradled in the same arms, wrapping his chubby hand in a clutch of my hair and resting his downy head securely next to my heart? I remember his rosy cheeks, chipmunk-round, and his thick, long eyelashes quivering like butterfly wings while he dreamed. The wrinkled nose – something he did not like? – along with a hundred other expressions passed like cloud shadows across his face while he slept. What a miracle I was holding. What an amazing feat of miraculous life that I had a small part in creating. It was too overwhelming to conceive.

I blinked, dazed, after sleepless nights into the bright morning sunshine of his childhood. He was a big boy now. The stuffed animals, his ‘babies,’ were thrown haphazardly on his bed when he got home from his important excursion. I put him in his room for quiet time and half expected he would take a nap since his head nodded with exhaustion, but I was wrong – again. He wiped my kisses off with cheery annoyance and proceeded to create the scene of another afternoon adventure. Pirates today? – his bed a ship cast off in a stormy sea searching for hidden treasure? Another turbulent landing as the rocket descends into Jupiter’s atmosphere? A stage set for a one act, one boy play? Or a cozy library nook where the books around him propelled him into further explorations? The options were endless. And yes, it was a journey to Jupiter.

In some ways, I missed the baby. I wanted to hold on one more time to that tiny fist clasped firmly to my finger. I wanted to fill my eyes with the quiet perfection of his imperfect face, fill my lungs with the clean after-bath fragrance of his silky hair, and fill my ears to overflowing with his mouth-wide-open laugh.

It was mine to savor for such a short time. Then the days turned into weeks and months and years. We transitioned overnight to a new place where the ground shifted like sand under our feet and our baby turned into a little boy. We had no choice but to regain our footing, test the air and look around. Nothing was as it had been before. Amazing discoveries dazzled our senses. The fear, the heart-squeezing uncertainty was still there, a reminder of our limited time here. We locked our precious memories away and stepped forward.

Where did we land? Oh, yes – Jupiter.