Mother's Day

My dreams last night alternated between feeling the physical heat of an explosion as I flew past and experiencing the confused disappointment of a failed pregnancy on an ultrasound. Motherhood has been a roller coaster for me.

What makes a mother? Is it diligence and boundaries or wide-open spaces? Is it intentional or accidental? Is it sacrificial or ignorant? Is it preordained or the road less traveled? Or can it be all of these?...

On Mother’s Day, when my sole tribute is to honor my mother instead of being honored, I am reflective. I struggled to procure a Mothers Day gift that would define my feelings for the woman that brought me into this world. I could not find it. I’m afraid it does not exist. How can you express what it means to bring life, to nurture it and watch it grow, then to let it go? To show gratitude to one who wiped noses and bottoms…one who bought a new coat for her child when she could not afford her own…one who placed coins in a bottle marked ‘college fund’…one who wrapped her hand around another half its size while crossing the street…one who said ‘no’ even when it broke her in two? Words cannot do justice to a mother’s role.

Love for your mother is complicated by the fact that you are her creation. You reflect her light, no matter how distorted, indistinct, obscure, and yet magnified as through an ancient telescope. You are part of her vision.

My heart aches for those children without mothers, children of all ages, struggling in a world where that indefinable something is missing. Searching and diving deep within that well provides no water. Today is a reminder of their loss.

I can sense the oncoming storm. I can smell the heavy rain of the future with my mother. I want to push back, I want to hide, but I cannot stop what will come.

Instead, I will remember unplanned moments of joy, the gifts of laughter, kindness, protection, and the abiding sense of love that my mother has given me. These I carry with me – stuffed deep in my pockets and carefully pulled out, one by one – delicate treasures.

As I interact with my son, the spiritual connection with my mother is strengthened. Generations build upon each other. Love transcends time. The concluding song from Les Miserables states with simple clarity, “To love another person is to see the face of God.”

May you love without ceasing today and every day.