Détente

Détente (noun): 1. the relaxation of strained relations or tensions (as between nations); also a policy promoting this.

I have recently instituted a period of détente between my son and me on the subject of potty training. A white flag has been raised to temporarily end our battle of wills. No ground has been gained, although I fear that my son will claim victory since my coercion has ceased. Needless to say, this has been a difficult time in our mother-son relationship.

What should be as simple as winding a mechanical toy and setting it in motion has turned into a psychological game of cat and mouse. I thought I had prepared for this stage. I thought we were both ready to move forward. I created motivation, temptation, and a comfortable situation. We ended up with manipulation, exasperation, and increased use of exclamation. This has been going on over a year and I can take no more.

So here we are. I have resigned myself to his inflexibility. If he goes to kindergarten in a year and a half with an extra pair of pants due to his intentional accidents, so be it. If we need to use the trunk of our SUV as a changing area while away from the house, I’ll make preparations. If children and adults snicker and point inconspicuously at the seven-year-old child with wet or dirty britches, that’s fine, I’ll ignore them. I have other things on which I would rather focus.

Détente is not failure – only a time-out for both parties.

“I don't know why you use a fancy French word like détente when there's a good English phrase for it - cold war.”
–Golda Meir