Swimming through life

I remember swimming as a preteen. I had long arms and legs, so my body seemed suited for the sport. Stretching into each stroke, propelling my physical self through the water, I was flying. It was at that moment, reality would hit. My breathing rhythms weren’t in synch with my stroke and I would throw my head out of the water, gasping for breath. What was wrong? Additional attempts would find me in desperate positions, either holding my breath and drinking in water or raising my head like a turtle to take in the air right above my head. My agility and speed as a swimmer was hindered by my inability to breathe.

Ben completed his second week of swim classes today. Fortunately, he has moved beyond some of the sensory issues that caused extreme fear of the water when he was two years old. He walks, he splashes, he kicks and paddles in the two foot deep water. He will not allow it on his face, however. I watched him pull a classic-Ben coping maneuver – inattention (zoning out) – during the class this morning that made me wonder what was going on. Last week I could understand. There were more people in the pool including a mother dragging a screaming infant back and forth during the entire half hour session disrupting Ben’s class. That situation made my skin crawl, too. This week was quieter. Yet there he was in the pool, his eyes focused on the ceiling or the walls, not listening and not participating unless physically moved by the instructor. What was wrong?

The connection was made clear to me when I realized my own anxiety wrapping around my throat. He was not comfortable in the water.

The danger of drowning haunts everyone at some point in life. It doesn’t have to involve water. We find ourselves ‘in over our heads’ struggling for breath and gasping. Our own fears can escalate the situation. If a rescuer tries to save a drowning person, they can be pulled under.

Surrender. Let go.

Fear is an important part of our survival. Fear can promote behavior – fight or flight – that will protect us in dangerous situations. However, fear can also overwhelm, escalate tension, cause the body to perceive a situation as stressful. When I was fighting to catch my breath while swimming, fear threw me out of rhythm. I was unable to breathe or to correct myself. Ben’s stress while in the water immobilized him. He couldn’t focus on learning how to swim due to his fear.

“To hold, you must first open your hand. Let go.”
-Lao Tzu